| Taoism | Shit happens. |
| Confucianism | Confucius say, "Shit happens." |
| Calvinism | Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. |
| Buddhism | If shit happens, it really isn't shit. |
| Seventh Day Adventism | No shit on Saturdays. |
| Zen | What is the sound of shit happening? |
| Hedonism | There's nothing like a good shit happening. |
| Hinduism | This shit happened before. |
| Mormon | This shit is going to happen again. |
| Islam | If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. |
| Moonies | Only happy shit really happens. |
| Stoicism | This shit is good for me. |
| Protestantism | Let t5he shit happen to someone else. |
| Catholicism | Shit happens because you are *bad*. |
| Hare Krishna | Shit happens rama rama. |
| Judaism | Why does this shit always happen to *us*? |
| Zoroastrianism | Shit happens half the time. |
| Christian Science | Shit is in your mind. |
| Atheism | Sheeit. |
| Existentialism | What is shit anyway? |
| Rastafarism | Let's smoke this shit. |
